Andrew Luck,

this isn't the letter I intended writing to you. since we lost to the chiefs (in divisional round) earlier this year, I've been planning a lot of things for this season and for years to come. celebrate your mvp, or celebrate a career season (I know that you could do better than last one), or even celebrate the first super bowl of your career.

i've been planning and dreaming big things with you, the wildest dreams of a fanatic for the horseshoe. those who bleed, cry and smile in blue. in mid-may, lounging at a bar with some friends, i shout at the top of my lungs that my team was one of the few who would have three hall of famers quarterbacks.

you may say i'm a dreamer ("but i'm not the only one..." sorry about that), am i right? maybe not, after all ("you're my wonderwall..." sorry again), that's what fanatics do. clubista (a brazilian word for something like a raving fan)? perhaps. you can call whatever you want, for me it's just love. it wasn't the saturday night i intended for this third week of preseason either.

a saturday that i wake up and i see myself wearing a (wonderful) colts t-shirt and now... is hard to finish after Schefter's tweet and your announcement. the "andrew luck announces his retirement from the nfl" message.

the message

Towards the end of the game against the chicago bears, my phone shakes, i received a message on whatsapp, it was a print of adam schefter's tweet… and the foreshadowing of the tragedy. it was hard to believe. how was that happening? you had just finished an amazing season. there were 39 touchdowns, over 4500 yards and top two career marks in completed passes and qb rating.

man, I was stunned. fantasy groups, nfl groups and friends, that are colts fan too, sent thousand messages. it was very hard to reason this. the "lady jaguar" (my wife, an angry shorty girl, be careful... in portuguese is better "dona onça") was sleeping next door and I didn't even know if I should wake her up to tell her, or just stayed in my (at that moment) icy little world. again, i was stunned, i'm still stunned, a sad surprise.

I even received some idiot messages and couldn't even fight back, as I usually do. I defend you and this team tooth and nail, just as I always defended the lusinha (Associação Portuguesa de Desportos, the brazilian soccer team, that i root for, kindly called "lusa" ou "lusinha"). something very difficult to explain and for some, even difficult to understand. many words are missing, but I can't imagine a better time to write to you. 

me, him, you and football

my love for this game started with your predecessor, "peytão" (peyton manning, in brazil we used to call him as "peytão da massa"). the middle child in the family that is bigger than this little American league, that you are retiring today. number 18 manning, was the one who made my eyes shine bright about football. it was he who made me see how beautiful this game is, the greatest team sports in the world, like you said today. Of course, he was also the first to give me a title in American sports (haha).

he made me cry and made me smile, he made me hate brady and the whole state of massachusetts (haha… just kidding… or not). Of course, he also helped with my thesis that there are bigger things. things that transcend sport. damn tracy porter, but so much love for new orleans.

so 18 got injured (very ugly, a neck injury and was as ugly as your shoulder) and left, we didn't want to continue with him. my heart was broken, I couldn't accept it. it was a very difficult year. just to figure out how hard it was, it was a year of kerry collins, curtis painter and (jee...z) dan orlovsky!

it was the "suck for luck" season, it was the hunting season for you, my man. tall, strong, big-bearded, talented, weirdo, damn good and pretty smart. a born leader, the best quarterback prospect in a long time, certainly, the best in the modern football era. a hell of an alpha male, a 'nfl-like' jake arrieta (haha… good, right?).

a new era in indianapolis

a new era in Indianapolis began. the new messiah was coming and everyone could see more bowls coming to indianapolis. In 2012, from April until September, I dreamed of you raising Vince Lombardi. I went to sleep imagining new battles in foxborough and gisele bündchen without smiles in the tribunes. I wanted chaos, I wanted to see you indoctrinate (i don't know if this makes sense in english, but when a guy dominates his opponent, here in brazil we use to say something like that).

and that was the way it is, you reigned. commanded a 2-14 team to an 11-5 team, with an "interim coach"! took our franchise to playoffs and lost to those who ended up raising the vince lombardi (a hell of season for Flacco). next year, pagano won his battle with leukemia, cameback to our sideline and you repeated the feat.

another 11-5 season and a wildly exciting win on the wild card. one of the craziest and coolest games I've ever seen. the second biggest comeback in nfl playoffs history. By the way, an ironic case, you just "lost" to who will be your last nfl coach.

(Of course, you know, but the letter is open and there may be people who don't know. The biggest nfl playoffs comeback was led by Frank Reich hands)

what a victory! You must have no idea how important it was to me. at one of the most depressing moments in the sport for me. in that (damn) beginning of 2014, when those who don't care about the game, those old men in suits, started what would be the destruction of the lusinha (brazilian soccer team, remember?).

we have our franchise quarterback

right in that moment, you came to teach what is love for the game, show the world what is grit! Looking back at that day, I can't remember how and when I went to sleep, I also have no idea how I went to work the next day. although we got knocked out by the patriots and tommy boy the following week, you saved my year. thank you!

following, 2014, you, once again, indoctrinated. It got very close to the 5000-yard mark, threw for 40 touchdowns and took us to the afc championship game. Oh sure, I have to mention, sooner, you defeated my ex-girlfriend in divisional round (ex-girlfriend is the way i use to call peyton). You drove our team up to mile high and beat peyton manning and the wonderful broncos defense.

once again tommy boy, in the snake pit, defeated us. with deflategate or not, we were thrashed, it was sad. However, we had hope, our future seemed to be wonderful.

So, sometime life takes us by surprise and stabs us. things started to blow away. the issues along all of our franchise were wide open and once again an awful colts-staff management, allied with your grit and your love for that game, hit us hard. Just the year I started imagining the super bowl, Ryan Grigson, von Miller and a torn kidney appear in our jorney.

from heaven to injuries

man, how that injury made me suffer, i was cappable to feel your pain, if i could, i would have been swap our kidneys. As I read the news, my kidney hurt and my heart tightened too much. The next year, they say you played the whole season in pain. you hurt your abdomen, had some issues with your ribs, and began to have a severe shoulder pain. even in pain and with everything telling you to be away for a while, you played. they did not operate you on time, and you suffered. you were beat up week in and week out, when season was done, 41 sacks (hell no!).

by the way, you are ending your career today with more sacks than touchdowns. my god how sad this is.

it was a crazy offseason, don't laugh, but the "lady jaguar" (very catholic) even prayed a lot for you. I sent vibrations before bedtime and asked my (wonderful) grandmother to pray for you at every mass.

everything seemed to be going pretty well and our prayers were moving ahead. the news was as good as possible, you would be back in the fourth or fifth week. Just to be better, "lady jaguar" had returned to work after a long and dark winter.

Do you know what I did my big qb? Do you know what I did? I came to a road trip around the USA, I bought a ticket to see steelers at colts, at Lucas Oil. "Lady jaguar, pack our bags for indy! in november we're going to watch a colts game, by this date luck should be on the field".

comeback

well, you and all the colts staff played a trick on me haha… there was no comeback and I got a wonderful big ben vs jacoby brissett. no problem, i was there by horseshoe, here "we bleed" (another brazilian expression) blue, hell yeah. but I can't deny, it was sad. peyton i saw in 2014 (playing for the broncos, no problem, it was when I really could), you i didn't see.

it was hard, both as a fan and a fan of a unique man. however, we always have to look at the whole picture and the health of people we care, for you it was no different. it all worked out, it was hard, but it worked out and then you came back, There were rumors that you had become discouraged, that you were not happy. however, I could hardly believe it. After all, your interviews were always positive.

so, 585 days later, there you were, smiling and taking the field with nfl's most beautiful jersey. what a beautiful season was 2018, eh? you lead us again with mastery, showed that we were not an ordinary team and showed everyone that you were healthy.

showed all your resilience, your grit and your intelligence. you're a monster! we lost to the chiefs in the divisional round, but we lost honorably and after all you lived, you were playing very well. however, when i think that we overcome all of our problems, another life's stab. in training camp i see us in the same old 2017's situation. calf pain, then ankle pain and a supposed fracture.

a new setback

only bad news and a little was heard from you. The silence was scary. I defended tooth and nail your return, I spoke loudly to who spoke that you're made of glass. I pointed my finger and cursed a lot those guys, I was stupid. No problem, I would do it again. you are not made of glass, you are human… like all of us. vidro. Apontei o dedo e xinguei muito, fui um estúpido. Não tem problema, eu faria novamente. Você não é de vidro, você é humano… como todos nós.

You were beat up madly all your time in Indy, so one day the body hands us the bill and we need to think about it. that's what you did, reflected and saw what was the best for you. As an anxious child, I lost concentration on today's game. I just wanted to see your press conference, to hear what you had to say.

so when the conference began, I was again, just like a child. at this time, like a child who feels the pain of a bicycle's fall. i cried. not a little.

It didn't take long, it took just a minute of a press conference for my eyes start failing and show that a man cries, of course. you cried too, said what you needed to say. your first words was exactly as I imagined, as I guy that love the game, love the fans and love that city. "This is not an easy decision, honestly it is the hardest decision of my life." 

schefter wasn't lying

You explained exactly what was being speculated last season. that the pains were weighing heavily and that was taking your joy from playing the game. talked about the "snowball", the circle that had become vicious: injury - pain - recovery.

You said that you were feeling stuck in it and you got tired. Nothing in that situation was doing good for you and was taking away the love you have for the game. Luck, really, I've felt your pain. as I spoke, I could feel everything that has gone through these last few years. In the 24 minutes and 58 seconds of your announcement I could live again every moment we spent together.

yes, we spent each moment together, obviously, not side by side, but in thought. I also saw that in your place I would have given up much longer ago. injury, surgery / treatment, pain and recovery. You also told the (funniest) journalist that this decision has nothing to do with your recent marriage and your upcoming kid.

you simply said that you got tired. By the way, who am I to criticize? a simple unregulated testosterone already makes me want to “die”! so, imagine all that you have been through (hell no). you made it clear, so clear as TY receiving your passes for a touchdown against houston in nrg stadium, that this was the best decision to make and I believe… accepted too. 

thanks and goodbye

it was four (long) years of suffering, so anytime this would be a big question, even for a talented and passionate athlete like you, luck. you confirmed you played in pain in 2016 and that had already made you wonder if you wanted to go through it again.

as a lord, a superior human being, you said that can't put all your heart and soul on that field. So you said it wouldn't be fair to what the club is building. much less fair, with your teammates.

You thanked football for wonderful moments. you thanked your teammates, thanked the Irsay family and said that you love our team, our city. Just to made it clear again, you said that your wife is proud to say that you are from Indianapolis, when asked where you guys are from. so lovely, so beautiful, you're amazing.

man, you also confirmed something I imagined in the short time I was in indy. You said the city is the best place to settle. man, you left me crying a river at this time, but soon after, you caught me out of guard, and i fall apart.

respect

when you began to thank your teammates, your first words were to vina and you told a little story. why you did that? Did you need to tell that your father took you to see vinatieri playing for Amsterdam admirals?

Why say that when you were older Oliver took you to see the super bowl that vina won the title for the patriots? ow, now i understand, you did all this to say that your first win at nfl, also came from the same foot. what a man, respect!

Luck, I admire you. maybe the words here, should be, I love you, but this could sound pretty crazy for you. I admire you a lot and hope you are not sad with those who booed you at the end of saturday's game. These guys don't represent our fans. These guys don't respect the game and they don't, or just don't understand, what you went through, what you donated for our franchise and our happiness.

for me what will last is your grit, your talent, your ambition and your total surrender to this franchise and this city, which I also feel that I belong (yes, I don't care what they talk about, indy is in my heart too).

thank you

man, thanks for the memories, all of them, the games you won, and the ones you didn't. thanks for your "flight" (aka super man) to recover that fumble and score that touchdown. I'll never forget that play. I'll never forget that wildcard against the chiefs. thanks for your 16 comebacks in the fourth quarter.

Thank you for loving this franchise and teach us about overcoming. thanks for being my quarterback these seven years after manning. thanks for everything and be happy! take care of your physical and mental health, enjoy the family you are building, but please don't abandon us, don't abandon the horseshoe.

stay by our side, even off the field, be an impact figure for new guys on this team. teach them what you have learned, show them how much you gave to the team, and ask each one all of this. This will be very important.

I need to stop here, I can't do this for more minutes, I’m already shedding a lot of tears in my keyboard, totally falling apart. It wasn't the letter I wanted to write you. It wasn't what I had planned with you either. neither super bowl nor mvp nor super bowl mvp.

of course, the hall of fame won't happen either, but that's fine, it's just a league formality. here at the warrior's corner (a kind way to call this room in my apartment), along with johnny unitas, peyton manning, michael jordan, reggie miller and kobe bryant, you'll have a gold jacket and a beautiful bust. 

see you…